I would find a way
by Blue Crow
Summary: HBP spoilers. Song fic to NIN's 'Hurt'. Depicts the happenings which take place directly after Snapes departure. A depressing piece. Rating for one piece of language in the lyrics. Please RR


The dusty carriage clock that stood alone upon the mantle read 2 o'clock. It had not chimed for so long, that it's owner was in fact unable to recall a single note of its once enigmatic tune. Quite unaware of the time, he ran from room to room gathering his belongings and throwing them carelessly into a wooden trunk, which seemed much too small to hold such a large quantity of items. A crystal glass filled with deep red liquid pressed against his trembling lips, he relished the smouldering feeling left behind in his throat. The night air was strangely quiet, and unnaturally still, much alike the calm before a storm. In a matter of what _could_ be minutes, Spinner's End would be raided.

"_Death warrant, level 6-authorisation request. Do not return with him alive-Scrimegour."_

_Time-wasters. It is not I they should be hunting down._

It seemed almost impossible that 7 hours ago he had been sitting next to the man at dinner. Dumbledore, whom had always trusted Severus Snape, vouched for him on many occasions, saved him from being sentenced to Azkaban, Dumbledore, the man who was considered the most powerful wizard of recent times, was gone. He was dead.

_I killed him. It was necessary, Draco would not have gone through with it, we all knew that, especially The Dark Lord. I made a vow to Narcissa, and I have now fulfilled my purpose in this game. Draco was never a murderer, just a child, and I managed to protect him. His life would have been short-lived, a mere boy of 16…compared with a man of 150._

After his flight, the prince had apparated with Draco to his mother's house. Narcissa ran to greet them, wrapping her arms around her son. Her only son. There, they both broke down and began to sob, Snape thought it best they be alone,and turned to leave.

"Severus! -" Narcissa called after him, he looked over his shoulder.

"I am…I am forever in your debt" she managed to choke out, fresh tears surfacing.

And with a curt nod of his head, Snape apparated back to Spinner's End, back to a dark and dusty cramped and dishevelled house. There would be no comfort awaiting his return, no loved one to wipe away his tears or heal his wounds. He would have given everything he owned, including his soul,tosimply have a familyto come home to. He would never admit toLucius or Narcissa,the jealousy he felt whilst around them.The closest thing _he_ had had to a family was the death eaters, and the majority did not even trust him. Well that would all change…after tonight. But, however hard Snape tried to force the fact from him mind, Dumbledore had always treated him like a son. Why? Why had he been so trusting and sympathetic? Why had he not seen through his act like everyone else?

**WHY DIDN'T HE JUST LEAVE ME TO ROT? **Snape cried in anger, smashing the wine glass against the wooden floor. Each tiny shard scattered, then became perfectly still as the crimson liquid weaved its way across the glittering floor.

He swept into the furthest room, slashed his wand through the air angrily, and with the last of his belongings packed in the heavy wooden trunk, slotted the key into its ornate silver hole, locking it. With a final tap of his wand, the trunk vanished.

_Accio mask_ the dark haired man commanded, his voice unsteady and mournful. As he lifted it to his face, a cracking noise issued from the corner, and so appeared Remus Lupin. _This is it; I've left it too late…_

However, instead of blasting that same cowardly and unforgivable green light from his wand, he approached the cloaked and partially masked man cautiously, stopping directly in front of him. To see a single obsidian eye staring from a face half covered by a pure white mask was haunting. Snape raised a hand to his temple as a sharp pain ran through his skull. The final moments of Dumbledores life were freeze-framed within his mind, and once again he heard the plea the old man had used through legilimens. No…the plea the only humanbeing who had ever given him a chancehad used

_"Kill me, Severus..."_

His gaze fell upon Lupin,silently pleading for a forgiveness he would never deserve, a redemption that could never be his. A single tear ran down his pallid face.

"...Why?"

"If I could take my actions back…I would."

Without another moments passing, Severus Snape apparated, and was gone.

_

* * *

_

I hurt myself today

_To see if I still feel I_

_Focus on the pain_

_The only thing that's real_

_The needle tears a hole_

_The old familiar sting_

_Tried to kill it all away_

_But I remember everything_

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend_

_Everyone I know goes away in the end_

_And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt_

_I wear this crown of shit_

_Upon my liars chair_

_Full of broken thoughts_

_I cannot repair_

_Beneath the stains of time_

_The feeling disappears_

_You are someone else_

_I am still right here_

_What have I become?_

_My sweetest friend_

_Everyone I know goes away in the end_

_And you could have it all_

_My empire of dirt_

_I will let you down_

_I will make you hurt_

_If I could start again_

_A million miles away_

_I would keep myself_

_**I would find a way**_

_A/N: I just read this through with the song playing in the background, and it actually made me cry. I've always loved this song, and last night I realised how well it fitted Snape's character and actions. I would really love to get some reviews for this; I look forward to hearing what you have to say. P.s you can find the live version of Hurt by NIN by searching on music. if you are in America or music. if you are in the UK like me! It really adds to the effectiveness of this piece._


End file.
